we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
