Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
two words: eviction party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
