I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
