There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
