Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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