Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
