Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
