stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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