She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
