oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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