...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
