we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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