Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
