ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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