if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
