It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
