There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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