Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
