i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
