i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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