Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
