life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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