Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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