What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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