Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
