i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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