Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
