Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
