break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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