I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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