How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
