yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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