Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
