All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
