A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
