why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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