I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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