I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
