It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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