Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
