New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
