I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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