I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
