Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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