At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You smell like stripper and shame
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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