He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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