M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
