i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
