You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
