Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just pee around me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
