The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
