my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
