How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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