..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
