Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
