Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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