He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
