You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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