I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
