We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
