new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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