Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
