Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
