ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
