Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
