...so i touched it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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