i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
