My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's not a walk of shame if you run
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
