So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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