Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize