I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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