I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
