Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize