my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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