For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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