my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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