i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize