waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
