So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
