Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
vagina is talking i cant
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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