there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
