Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
