D3 body, D1 cock
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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