wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
