There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
