In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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