Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
