Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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