Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
