There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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