There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
