So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
