People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
