Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
not ubering you a puppy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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