Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
