I can text with my tongue
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
