What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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