Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
