you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
