u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
