Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
