Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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