he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
