I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
