I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
